Being a depressed perfectionist is hard. Its like always feeling tired and sad but constantly feeling underwhelmed with every part of your life. Thats why i decided to let it all go and just focus mainly on the awakening meditation to help me remember who i really am.
The guy who wrote the meditation, has studied many different methods of enlightenment, with many different masters. He came to the conclusion that the awakening meditation was the fastest and easiest method possible.
We are all infinite energy just passing through as a human for a while. Apparently by getting back in touch with your true essence, you can find eternal bliss and your life kind of sorts itself out. Ive been trying so hard to improve my life for the 32 years ive been alive and it has never gotten me far.
Its so frustrating to feel like youre always sabotaging yourself or just spinning your wheels in life. Its fine for alot of people who are happy to follow the crowd but i know in my heart, that we werent born to pay bills and go to work all day. Supposedly things are starting to change rapidly as people are waking up from the matrix. Yep that movie wasnt just a fantasy. It was a metaphor for how we all live our lives at the moment.
The idea is that when youre in touch with your higher self, you can use your intuition to guide you in the right directions. When you live from a higher perspective, you are at peace, knowing that nothing really matters in the end, except for univeral oneness and love. Your true self is authentic, full of energy and effortlessly attracts positive things into your life. Sounds pretty good to me.
The old way hasn't worked too well so far so i figure its worth a try. The only problem now is that i keep procrastinating about actually getting started with meditating. Its the control freak in me that finds it hard to trust the universe and stop planning and doing. I feel like if i let go, everything will fall apart but nothings really all that great anyway.
Of course i will still do the basic day to day stuff and i will try to keep losing weight now that ive started, (not that ive bloody lost any yet. Although its only been a month of half trying.) The only difference is that i will try not to stress about it all and only do what i really need to for now.
I want to try to mostly focus on meditating because having too much to remember to do, makes me overwhelmed and less motivated. Becoming the best version of myself and living an amazing life sound too good to not at least try. The only problem is falling asleep because im always tired from the girls waking me at night.