Monday, 22 June 2015

Angry Family

It started with simon and passed onto Brooklyn. Now because I'm not taking my Zoloft and dealing with repressed anger and their anger, I'm the latest culprit. Tonight between the three of us, it was ridiculous and all of it was over nothing really. Just little annoyances. I have always been disgusted at the things simon says to Brooklyn when he is mad but now I'm to blame these days too. It's gotten so bad that I'm too ashamed to tell anyone the horrible things I say to her. I adore my kids and Brooklyn can be annoying but no one deserves to be spoken to like that.

I hear myself and find it hard to stop. It's like a tiny leak that can't be plugged once it starts. Then I feel disgusted with myself because it's so completely opposite to my natural personality. It scares me to think what it's doing to her although she acts like nothing's happened afterwards. But no matter how hard I try to explain to her, she still thinks it's because she's so naughty. It's killing me and it's affecting her behaviour badly. All three of us put together is a recipe for destruction for our family as a whole. I've got to find a way to stop it right now.

It's gone on way too long already. My life is already almost a total disappointment all round and this is just another issue for the pile. Every time it happens, I promise myself I won't do it again but it's like I have no control sometimes. I can't control Simons behaviour, I can only try to help him and Brooklyn. But I can't help anyone anymore. Not until I find a way to deal with my own problem first. I have to. For the sake of my poor little baby girl. I just hope it's not too late for her to forget the way I've acted lately.

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