Saturday, 8 August 2015

Climate Change

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Today like alot of days, im feeling depressed, stressed, overwhelmed, confused, lost, alone, frustrated, etc. I feel kind of trapped. I love my family but they all demand so much from me, along with all the pointless daily shit like cleaning, bills, centrelink, worries like health, kids, getting fat, etc etc the list just goes on and on. Im letting my family down, myself and the earth. I just feel like im majorly failing at being a human.

Im taking brooklyn to the movies for the first time ever today. So hopefully that will help me forget my problems for a while. I feel pathetic coz i dont really have a reason to be unhappy besides total and utter overwhelm. My whole family can sense that im unhappy today. Theyre all trying to cheer me up. Im not suicidal but i am sick of being here and being me. Its all too hard and i just want to go back to where i came from.

I just want to be alone and live in nature in peace, without social expectations, judgement, toys to clean up, without kids screaming at me, without tv, internet, phones, competing, acheiving, without feeling like a failure who is drowning. If it was just me, then maybe i could but simons not interested and i still have kids to look after. Some days i dream of what it would have been like to be a native american indian.

I honestly dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried everything to change things. I have no energy left for anything these days. I just feel like giving up but i have mouths to feed and bums to change, so i cant even stop to rest. I need a holiday but my kids cant seem to survive without me, as proved by my last holiday attempt. I dont even know what i want anymore but i know its not this way of living. I feel like im slowly dying a bit more each day.

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